Yesterday was SP's first day of Academy and I'm already feeling fear creeping up over me about what is to come. It's coming from all directions, not least of all my over-active imagination.
I'm getting fear from books, from friends, from co-workers, from the news, internet, etc. And each little part is culminating into a single force which then has a nightly fight with sleep for my attention.
I had a few books recommended to me and I haven't been able to make it through the first three chapters of the first book without sobbing uncontrollably at the end of each one. I don't know why these books were recommended to me. I was expecting something hopeful or stories of how families have happily adjusted (eventually) to a life of uncertainties. Instead I'm hearing about deaths and "hyper-vigilance" and how spouses in law enforcement are never reliable and their schedules leave women feeling like single mothers to their children.
Why is this? Why is it that when SP gets the support and the guidance and the excitement from his fellow law enforcement professionals, I'm getting the doses of fear?
Obviously there is quite a bit of stuff that I don't yet understand included in all these books, which is equally scary. I'm new at this. We have just recently been engaged, SP is just starting academy, and while looking out on what is to be our future, these unknowns are what is most terrifying.
What happens if he finishes academy with a new outlook or personality that doesn't fit well with mine? What happens if when he begins working nights and I can't sleep at all? What happens if we have kids and they don't see their Dad often because his schedule is so erratic? So many "what ifs" going on in my head.
I've had multiple people tell me that the men in their lives really changed after going through academy and joining the police force. That they are not the same men they knew originally. Talk about bad timing for this to happen to SP and me. We're planning a wedding, molding our lives together, discussing our future plans, and he might end up COMPLETELY DIFFERENT? So scary it makes my stomach hurt.
I'm in the mood for a mindset shift in the Law Enforcement support arena, especially for new members of the lifestyle. I feel like this is a time for excitement and a time that the both of us should be preparing with energy a life together within this new world. So from this point forward, in any book, blog, or presentation I am subjected to, I will not stand for being scared into being afraid of my own life.
I don't mean any disrespect to those writers of the books I've read or those law enforcement spouses that have given me their personal warnings. I appreciate the effort to give me what you believe to be important information.
Yet, although I may be naive still, I think we can make it work. I think being a loving team will bring everything together, despite all my fears.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
New Adventures
Here we go. A new adventure, and I'm hoping it will be a good one. I'm engaged to a man that is entering the Police Force and everything in our world is about to change.
Here's a little bit of a background on myself and the "How We Met" story I'm sure you're eager to hear:
My name is Kelly, I'm 27 years old and recently became engaged just a few weeks ago to my boyfriend of a little over 3 years. My fiance (we'll call him SP) and I met in late 2007 when we were both interns in the Human Resources Department of a major corporation in Florida. We were good friends in the office and remained good friends for the first couple years of knowing each other, following the end of both of our internships.
After I had graduated college and my internship was finished in June '08, I moved back home to Michigan for a few months to figure out what to do with my career and life. A couple friends and I decided to take a trip out to San Diego, California in August and immediately fell in love with the city. A couple of months later I moved out with one of those friends and have been happily California livin' ever since.
Shortly after I moved from Florida, SP moved back to Arizona where his family lived to begin Grad School. We had kept in touch over the time since leaving Florida and kept making plans to meet up without much success for the first year I lived in San Diego. After several months of many calls and video chats, our relationship began to feel like it might be more than just a friendship. When he finally did come to visit, we both had a feeling that this was the real deal. After a couple of days of hanging out and showing him around town, he finally went in for the kiss... and it was nothing short of magical. :)
See, SP is the best person I've ever met. Not the best guy, not the best friend, the best person. Period. He is generous, kind, loving, attentive to the needs of others, empathetic, strong, funny, has a big heart, and is incredibly handsome to top it all off. I always knew I was lucky to know him and to be his friend, but now I am even luckier because I get to love him. Everyday, all day, for the rest of our lives.
We dated long distance for about 6 months before SP decided to move to San Diego to be closer to me. His Grad program had been hit by funding cuts and his classes were not available for at least a year, which gave him some time to make a new change. When he moved here, he began working in the HR department of another large organization and was fully intending on continuing his career in this field. When an organization change left him without a job, he set out to reevaluate where he was heading. He applied to several law enforcement divisions around town and I supported this because I wanted him to be happy. Never did I imagine that he would actually be going through the entire recruitment process, only to discover that this was something he wanted to do more than any other career he'd explored.
So here we are. SP will be starting his law enforcement career on May 3rd with his first official orientation for the Police Dept. and he will be going into the Academy on May 6th.
Where this leads us, I have no idea, but I know we're in it together. I'm sure there will be proud moments, lots of scary moments, many surprises in between, and I'm using this blog to report exactly what it is that happens.
So here's to new beginnings, whatever they may bring!
Here's a little bit of a background on myself and the "How We Met" story I'm sure you're eager to hear:
My name is Kelly, I'm 27 years old and recently became engaged just a few weeks ago to my boyfriend of a little over 3 years. My fiance (we'll call him SP) and I met in late 2007 when we were both interns in the Human Resources Department of a major corporation in Florida. We were good friends in the office and remained good friends for the first couple years of knowing each other, following the end of both of our internships.
After I had graduated college and my internship was finished in June '08, I moved back home to Michigan for a few months to figure out what to do with my career and life. A couple friends and I decided to take a trip out to San Diego, California in August and immediately fell in love with the city. A couple of months later I moved out with one of those friends and have been happily California livin' ever since.
Shortly after I moved from Florida, SP moved back to Arizona where his family lived to begin Grad School. We had kept in touch over the time since leaving Florida and kept making plans to meet up without much success for the first year I lived in San Diego. After several months of many calls and video chats, our relationship began to feel like it might be more than just a friendship. When he finally did come to visit, we both had a feeling that this was the real deal. After a couple of days of hanging out and showing him around town, he finally went in for the kiss... and it was nothing short of magical. :)
See, SP is the best person I've ever met. Not the best guy, not the best friend, the best person. Period. He is generous, kind, loving, attentive to the needs of others, empathetic, strong, funny, has a big heart, and is incredibly handsome to top it all off. I always knew I was lucky to know him and to be his friend, but now I am even luckier because I get to love him. Everyday, all day, for the rest of our lives.
We dated long distance for about 6 months before SP decided to move to San Diego to be closer to me. His Grad program had been hit by funding cuts and his classes were not available for at least a year, which gave him some time to make a new change. When he moved here, he began working in the HR department of another large organization and was fully intending on continuing his career in this field. When an organization change left him without a job, he set out to reevaluate where he was heading. He applied to several law enforcement divisions around town and I supported this because I wanted him to be happy. Never did I imagine that he would actually be going through the entire recruitment process, only to discover that this was something he wanted to do more than any other career he'd explored.
So here we are. SP will be starting his law enforcement career on May 3rd with his first official orientation for the Police Dept. and he will be going into the Academy on May 6th.
Where this leads us, I have no idea, but I know we're in it together. I'm sure there will be proud moments, lots of scary moments, many surprises in between, and I'm using this blog to report exactly what it is that happens.
So here's to new beginnings, whatever they may bring!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)